Crying
By: Phil Boedeker
“There’s no crying! There’s no crying in baseball!” - Tom Hanks as Jimmy Dugan, A League of their Own
Baseball is in the air. We are at the end of the 2019 World Series and I have watched an October full of great baseball. The Houston Astros are in their third world series in two years, and have won over 100 games each of those three years.
Yet, as I watch, I cannot help but draw parallels between the Houston Astros and my experience with pregnancy loss as a father.
Now hear me out. What does baseball and the Houston Astros have to do with pregnancy and infant loss? And why did I quote A League of their Own, other than it being one of the BEST. MOVIES. EVER.?
The Houston Astros were not always this great. In fact, they were literally the worst team in baseball. They had three 100 LOSS seasons followed by three average seasons. Now, though, three 100 win seasons and two World Series appearances. During those tough seasons, it would have been easy to give up hope as a team or a fanbase.
As a father, experiencing pregnancy loss, I was in my 100 loss season. In fact, I experienced three pregnancy losses, one each further along in the pregnancy. After the first child, I bore it. I had very little emotion. I attempted to dismiss it, think little of it. With the second, I attempted the same. With the third...I had tried to build a wall, to stand under my own power…
I believe difficult expectations are placed on men, and some rightfully so. According to scripture, we are to be the leaders in our home, love our wives with the same sacrificial intensity as Christ, and raise our children to know and respect God. We are to do all this while ourselves striving to be like Christ in all we do.
The world puts an even greater (and unrealistic) burden upon us. We are to be physically strong, emotionally shutoff, “grit and bear it,” and under no circumstance - CRY!
With the third child...I don’t even remember what the doctor said. I recall him leaving and me looking at my wife, dumbfounded and confused. All the emotion from all three filled me at once. All I could muster was, “I can’t...I can’t” before I began to cry. To sob uncontrollably.
And the reality is, I can’t. I do not have the physical strength or the emotional capacity to withstand the pain. That is what I realized when I finally let myself cry. When I stopped trying to be the strong tower. When I decided to stop relying on my own strength, but instead turn to Him who is able.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
The God of all creation is my strength. He can, and He says He has. Jesus Christ amplifies this,
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30
The pain will not disappear instantly. It was a process for sure - there are still tears. There will be challenges, physically and emotionally, as you process loss and find God’s path in the trial. It took the Astros another three years of average-at-best baseball. It took me much prayer, mourning, and faith.
I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow. Jeremiah 31:13
God brought me through my 100 loss seasons. I could not, but He did. And as I sit watching the Astors play for their second World Series in their third 100 win season in a row, holding my three beautiful children that fill my heart with joy, I realize … it is okay to let yourself cry ... even in baseball.