OpenUp!

 Me... How did this happen to me? What did I do? Why me?

In those initial stages of shock and disbelief, I was wrapped up into myself. I was hurting. I was in disbelief. After all, I was the one who carried the baby and couldn't bring our son into this world at the right time and healthy.

Then I looked next to me and saw my husband. I didn't just see him physically. I saw him emotionally. I saw the fact that he too was hurting. He was trying to put on a strong front for me, but he had just lost his son too. He was witnessing his wife go through something he had no power to get her out of. He, too was grieving.

At that moment, I knew, if we wanted to make it through this, we had to grieve together. Even if our grieving looked different, we had to be intentional with the journey of grief as a married couple.

As OpenUp! was being developed, I was inspired by the unique ways my husband and I connected by writing notes. When we were dating I would read a book, write fun notes in the margins and then give it to him as a gift. As I read marriage books in preparation of our wedding, I journaled notes, and gave him the journal as a wedding gift as a commitment. When we were preparing for our first child, I read the parenting books, and wrote my interpretations in the margins before handing it to him to read.

This continued as we read books about grief after we lost our daughter: I wrote my feelings in the margins and he wrote his back. And even now in our marriage as we read scripture together, even through phone apps, we leave notes for each other. Sometimes we can’t open up easily in person, but there is a freedom with writing and an understanding that comes with reading. This was the ingenuity behind journalling back together.