Shelly’s Story

By: Shelley McCombs Bernis

Dec 2009, we found out we were pregnant with our first. We had been talking about starting a family, but did not know it would happen as quick as it did. We were both shocked and excited all at the same moment. I will never forget the look on my husband's face when I told him. He just about collapsed into my arms with pure joy. When we heard our baby's heartbeat for the first time, it was a sound like none other and we just fell in love. We immediately told all of our family and friends and started to plan our future.

I went in for my next appointment and the nurse did the sonogram initially. She had difficulty finding the heartbeat and said she would get the doctor to come have a look. The doctor came in, turned the screen to face her, then sadly looked at me and said I had miscarried. I was about 9 weeks pregnant.

I could not believe my ears, this happened to other people, not us I thought. The doctor explained my options: D & C or let my body do the work. I chose the natural way. My mind and body would not accept that this baby was not alive. I would wake up each morning, grabbing my tummy and wishing it was all a bad dream. I could not let him or her go. It took almost 6 weeks for body to start and end the process.

It took us a while to want to try again. At first, I wanted to try right away, but then felt like I would just be trying to replace the baby and I needed to properly grieve. And oh did we grieve. My husband and I both did it in different ways. It was a very depressing time.

We finally decided to give it another try and just like before got pregnant rather quickly. This was in October of 2011. We were about to go on a week long vacation to St. John, USVI. Two days before leaving, I felt some cramping. My doctor saw me and did an ultrasound at 6 weeks, and said that she saw the yolk sac, but could not see the baby. She said that it could still be early. She ran some blood tests to check my progesterone and my HcG levels. The next day, I began cramping. I went in to see doctor right away and she confirmed that I was going to lose the baby.

I went home and continued to pack for our trip under a heavy fog. I could not believe this was happening again. I was doubled over in pain for almost 36 hours including while on the airplane. We chose to continue with the trip because well why not. I bled for the first 3 days on our trip and was deeply depressed. I was beginning to feel like a failure. However, this time my husband and I grieved together and also recommitted ourselves to each other while on our trip. I just kept trusting in God that he had a plan and that he knew now was not the time.

My husband was unemployed during our first pregnancy which would have been a huge hardship. This time, I was unemployed and he had just started a new job a few months prior. I trusted God that the timing was just not right.

My doctor finally admitted that this is not normal and that I should see a high risk doctor. He put me through a ringer of tests: and HCG exam and 14 test tubes of blood later and we discovered that I had a blood clotting disorder called MTHFR gene mutation and a tilted uterus. Further exploration of the gene mutation revealed that it was mild and could be easily treated with baby aspirin. He assured me that I would have a successful pregnancy.

In February 2012, I discovered I was pregnant with my 3rd. We were cautiously optimistic. The doctor followed me closely and I had labs done every 48 hours to check that my HcG was doubling and that my progesterone was okay. He went ahead and put me on progesterone just in case.

We went in for our first ultrasound and heard that beautiful, strong heartbeat. The doctor assured us that all looked great and he felt confident that this would be a successful pregnancy. We began to feel hopeful.

My next ultrasound came soon after around 10 weeks. My parents came with us so they could see the baby. I knew it before the nurse said anything and I told her, "there isn't a heartbeat is there?" Her reply was shaking her head "no." My parents were in shock and I was just plain angry. The doctor came in and hugged me and apologized repeatedly and highly recommended a D & C so we could send the baby off to be tested and maybe find some more answers.

When I went in for the scheduled D & C, I asked it they could do one more ultrasound so I could see my baby again and be sure there was no heartbeat. It was the saddest days of my life. I felt like I was having an abortion. It just felt so wrong to take this baby from its home so violently and then be sent off to be studied in a lab. We found out that our baby was a boy and that he had 2 extra chromosomes and would never had made it.

This was a dark time for me. I took to drinking and gave up on the hope that we would ever be parents. I doubted God. I would yell at him and throw things. I did everything right I thought and both my husband and I were in steady jobs. I just did not understand. I hit rock bottom in October and just about ruined my best friends birthday. Something had to change.

I started praying again and talking to God and asking for forgiveness. I started looking into adoption. Then in November, we discovered the great news that we were pregnant with our fourth. The anxiety was so intense that my husband asked the doctor if they could prescribe me something. The doctor said, "I’ve got something even better, just come in every time you want to see that sweet baby." And that's what I did.

And each time, we saw him growing and that heartbeat stay strong. We prayed every day and I talked to that baby every day. And then July 31st, that baby boy was born. He was almost 9 pounds and had a powerful set of lungs. He was absolutely perfect. Our little miracle baby. I thank God every day for him and I cherish every moment because there was a time that I didn't think it would ever happen.

That is our journey and now I sit here typing this while on bed rest with my 5th baby. He is wanting to come now, but it is still too early. I trust in God that he will take care of all of us. When I look back at our journey, I learned and grew with each pregnancy and loss.

One important thing is that I would have never known that I had a blood clotting disorder which is hereditary. Because of this knowledge, my sister got tested and was diagnosed with the same. We discovered some side effects to this mutation which greatly affects our long term health and are now on the necessary blood thinners and supplements to prevent anything further from happening. We would've never known this had I not lost my babies and we could've suffered from a stroke or other severe medical condition.

What I learned is that we may not always understand why things happen at the time but if we trust in God he will show us.